The both of us then told her in a firm and stern voice, that she was not to throw things onto other people and that she should apologize to her daddy. She kneeled next to him and looked down, her expression very solemn indeed. She did not say a single word but her expression said it all – full of regret and guilt. We continued to look at her, waiting for her apology when suddenly I realized her eyes were a little watery. She had tears in her eyes but trying not to cry! And she didn’t utter a sound.

I felt so sorry for her that I pulled her into my arms and told her softly that it was okay but she is not to throw things at people in the future.

It struck me that my little girl, at 20 months old, is now able to control her emotions. She was feeling sad being reprimanded but trying not to cry. Oh when did my baby suddenly grow up overnight?

My sweet heart Madelyn is now 18 months old and if it is ever possible, becoming more lovely each day. This afternoon, while I was about to fall asleep next to her (we have been taking naps together on weekends), she rolled over to my side, smiled so sweetly and put her hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes to encourage her to fall asleep and suddenly I felt her cool lips on my cheek and then seconds later she planted another affectionate kiss on my lips. My heart just exploded into a thousand pieces with all the sudden surge of motherly love. I cannot begin to describe just how warm and fuzzy it made me feel inside.

Later in the evening, we took a stroll along the beach and stood in the water with the waves rolling in about our ankles. She was so excited! “Here it comes!!” I said, as the waves rolled in and splashed about our ankles. She squealed and giggled and held on to my hand. Her little pudgy hand in mine…holding tight as if afraid the waves might wash her away. Her expression, so full of joy…made my heart swell again. “Here it comes!” And she laughed out loud again and again.

As we began to walk back to the car, she looked up and grinned and rattled on in baby chatter. Hand in hand, we walked with our backs against the setting sun…Madelyn’s round little bum swish-swishing against the orange light. It was a good evening indeed.

And now as she huddled close to me fast asleep, oblivious to the thunderstorm outside, I cannot help but feel the strongest need to protect my little girl. Sleep tight my love, mummy’s here to keep you warm. Mummy’s here to love you till the end of everything.

So this weekend, I booked myself a session at the hairdresser’s to give my hair the trim that I had so needed (like 3 months ago) while the grandparents watch the little squiggly one (parents are visiting). After the trim, I came home to shower and feed Maddy and while she played by herself in her cot (isn’t she wonderful?), I washed my hair, and home-spa-ed it with my mommy’s home-made coconut oil (I want the shine back on my hair). While waiting for the hair to be done, I did more mommy things like fed Maddy her yogurt, read some books with her and chased her around the house. After which, Maddy went back into her cot for some more individual playtime while I washed the oil out of my hair. Felt lovely to have that moisture soaking into my not-so-long locks…my poor hair had not come even close to any treatment since Maddy came along…I think it is now time to be back to my weekly coconut oil session. Yes, I want to be the mom with great hair!

And that was not all I did. I have to reluctantly accept that I am moving closer and closer to the age group that starts with the number ’4′ (oh my frikkin gawwwwdddddd!!!) and this is when the words ‘skincare’ and ‘anti-aging’ can be found on the same bottles of stuff in my basket of potions. Although yours truly is slightly more (just slightly…..) than half a decade away, but I am already in the same decade! I am thankful for all these magic nursing and post natal hormones that had been coursing through me to help keep my skin looking decent but little vain me is missing the glow!

Hence armed with a new set of potions, I managed to spend the early evening pampering myself (after feeding, cleaning and putting Maddy into her PJs, of course) and went to bed feeling goooooodddd about everything that I had achieved. I aim to do this every weekend, and find more time for those little things to boost those happy hormones!

Being a mom, I suppose sometimes we lose ourselves in trying to do the best that we can, and to be the best that we can. Time is definitely something elusive those first few months, but we eventually find it again…Well, I did, after almost a year. And it is definitely worth the wait.

Going to sleep with rain pouring outside, and knowing I am warm and dry in bed

Waking up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm after a long dry spell

A cool breezy weekend morning

Chicken curry with lots of soft potatoes

A meal with a side dish of sweet boiled carrots and plump green peas

A neatly arranged bookshelf-preferably mine!

My daughter’s grin

My husband on the phone telling me that he will be back home earlier than planned

Knowing I have a 20-something year old friendship with my girlfriends

Caramel popcorn

Wet sand under my bare feet and waves between my toes!

A brand new shiny saucepan

A happy dog’s wagging tail

Cold butter on warm toasted bread

My grandma’s patchwork quilt (on a cold rainy night)

Fish and chips

A ladybug on my plant

A clean house

My laundry basket empty and no chores

Marketing with mom

…so, what makes YOU smile?

Just earlier tonight she was playing with my breast pump when suddenly the battery cover came off. She picked it up from the floor, lifted it up to me and went “Mmmmm?”

Just hours ago in an attempt to show her displeasure over something, she threw her water bottle on the floor. I calmly told her to please pick it up, after which she kicked it around some more and I smacked her hand. She burst out crying and did not stop for a while until in the end, after being repeatedly told to pick up her bottle, she eventually did and I picked her up. Her nose was red from crying.

As I am sitting here now watching her sleeping form, I wonder if I had been too over-zealous in the disciplining department. I am determined to raise Maddy right, into a polite good natured young lady. I fear if I loosen the reigns, if she might become spoilt and throw tantrums unnecessarily. Maddy is a like a little surprise vault of strong emotions – she can be the happiest little girl one moment, and expressing her strong dislikes the next. But she never holds grudges, which makes it so hard for me when after being reprimanded by me, she would still come to me seeking comfort. Then I would be bursting with guilt for having made her cry or upset.

But how do we draw the line between letting kids be kids, and trying to keep them in line….I hope I am doing the right thing. Admittedly when she does something bad, I tend to forget that she is a good girl 95% of the time. I must remind myself to reward her with as much love as possible for all the wonderful things that she is.

1. Have curly short Halle Berry hair – almost wanted to do so a million times at the hairdresser’s but darrrnnnnnnn it! No guts!

2. Own a totally new set of kitchen appliances, pots and pans, dishes etc. – just for the heck of it since I have been using hand-me-downs for like….forever! This shall include a set of mugs and glasses and they must all look the same! Yes I am freaky…

3. Spend a few years as a Stay At Home Wife/Mom – time is running out for this…

4. Dine at a celebrity chef restaurant – none of those itsy bitsy arty farty kinda dishes, please.

5. Take a family vacation; mum, dad, brother and our families – easier said than done but MUST do soon!!

6. Visit Scotland again

7. Live in Singapore, again

8. Own a library, at home – this was inspired by a friend who recently invited us to her new home, complete with a roomful of books, floor to ceiling shelves on 3 walls filled with books, books and more books! I would like that some day

More to come…….

So what have we been up to lately? The usual, I guess.

I have FINALLY returned to my pre-pregnancy weight and size after what seemed like forever. But between work and my very busy schedule at home as a part time single mother, I did not have much time to ponder over my lack of style or how I could not fit into my old clothes. Then suddenly I could once again slip into those pants and zip up the those old skirts! And all without a single hour of exercise. Took me a year, but I got there. It did not matter anyway prior to this whether or not I looked hot…because everyone else was checking out my baby and not my bum.

Maddy is now an almost toddler. She repeats a lot of the words that we say. She can now say very clearly; hello, buh bye, ball, mummy, papa, puppy, dog, mam-mam, duck, turtle and my favoarite of them all – plee (her version of please). My daughter is growing up too fast, she is a little person now, with a fully developed character, needs, preference, opinions and moods. She is eating very well and is a snacker, tasting almost everything we offer her and eats her meals without fuss. I have introduced fresh milk to her on weekdays when I am at work, but will still offer her breastmilk in a bottle before she goes to bed. I am still nursing her at nights, although the frequencies are reducing. She is probably weaning herself soon, which is about time but I will let her take the lead. I want to enjoy that special closeness that we share during nursing for as long as she lets me, as I know once she fully weans I may never get that back again.

You might probably know by now that I do not have time for any other personal activities outside work apart from house chores and spending all my time with Maddy. It is to be expected I suppose, with Hubby being away. The moment I get home, it’s just a few hours of feeding, washing, cleaning and putting wriggly person to bed. And every day it is just the same. But I am not complaining, life is just different now with a different kind of fun. I am just so tired sometimes but that is to be expected.

Time to get some rest now…and snuggle up to my chubby cheeks (yes we co-sleep and enjoying every moment of it!). Good night peeps!