LIVE . LOVE . HURT . HOPE

Breezing through life and loving every moment…

Book Review: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

This is not just about dogs.

But yes, I have to admit, because there are dogs involved, I did not think twice to try to get my hands on this book. I mean, I cried bucketloads reading Marley & Me, while sunbathing in my bikini by a resort poolside – much to the curiosity of other couples on a romantic beach resort. But hey, you too would shed a tear or two (or many many more) if your favorite dog character could not walk anymore? Right? Right? RIGHT ?!

While watching a random (backdated) episode of Oprah, this book was being show-cased. Oprah raved about it. Her fans did. So did Stephen King. So I had to get it !

I shall be reading this over the weekend, and throughout my Australia break next week.Β  I just KNOW it is going to be a great unforgettable book!

edgar-sawtelle-190More about the book here.

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Five Fingers!

Today, I am finally somewhat happy! Not that I have not been these past 3 months or so, but I have been holding my breath and saying a silent a prayer each day.

But today, at our 12th week ultrasound (well baby actually measures 13 weeks 1 day) we saw the little blob from 7 weeks – now a baby ! With little fingers and feet and all!

Despite me going green trying to hold in my lunch, the sight of it all…….made it all go away. πŸ™‚

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Week 11+: Worshipping the Porceline Sink

Hail my bathroom sink *bows*. As well as all other sinks in cafes, the airport (level 1 and 2, mind you), 3 floors of my office, and hotels in this lovely quiant town we currently reside in.

While the nausea was easing off a week or so ago, it seems to have returned with a vengeance this week. I suppose I still have a long way to go before I could start skipping around the house and stuff myself silly with yummy food. I do try to keep food in as long as possible but at times it would just add to my misery. Oh well…

Our Australia trip looms nearer, and I am rather sad that I might not be able to be stuffing myself silly with all the wondrous goodies I used to love. I hope I don’t throw up right when my cousin begins to walk down the aisle. It would definitely be disastrous.

(I am heading off to Sydney to attend a wedding in a few weeks)

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So What’s Up with Me Lately…

A typical day now ….

4am: Reluctantly pull myself out of bed to feed me. If not by dawn the nausea will hit me and lasts the whole day

5am: Try to go back to sleep (usually with little success)

7am: Finally wake up, get ready for work and leave for work

10am: Mid-morning snack

11.30am: Go home for early lunch and nap

12.45pm: Get back to office (BLEH!!!!)

2pm: Starts snooping around for snacks

3pm: Getting drowsy…and possibly nausea kicks in

4pm: That’s it! I can take it no more. Pack up and go home

4.10pm: Shower and nap.

6pm: Wake up, feed the dogs and prepares dinner, eats dinner or empty contents of stomach – whichever comes first

7pm – 10pm: Nothing much….read, watch TV…. spends time with hubby

10pm: ZZZzzzzz…………………..

And the cycle repeats itself….

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I Am Officially An Aunty!

Today sis in law safely gave birth to my niece in the wee hours of the morning. Both mummy, daddy and little cutie are doing just fine! How I wished I can be there to welcome this little new addition to the family too.

Anyway, I am now officially a ‘kor kor’ or paternal aunty in hokkien. πŸ™‚

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I Wonder…

Does everything happen for a reason…. or things just happen and we just learn to adapt?

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Worries

Despite having passed the 10th week, I have not yet taken this pregnancy lightly. All the usual worries are still crouching at the back of my mind, wondering….wondering….wondering….

Every single day, I say a prayer hoping that things will go on fine. Of course everyone will tell me to stop worrying, but if you are in my shoes, wouldn’t you feel the same?

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Pining for Sleepiness

It seems odd, yes. But I find it difficult to fall asleep. Why am I not within that majority of pregnant women who nod off at various intervals of the day and night? I do feel sluggish, yes. But sleepy? No. Why not???

Everytime I try to close my eyes for a forced nap, I find 1001 things whizzing through my mind.

– am I sleeping right?

– is baby alright?

– omg I am pregnant

– has the dog run away again?

– have we fixed the leaky roof yet?

– who’s going to weed my precious garden?

– why is my left hip painful?

– note to self to do the laundry for the guest room

– forgot to disinfect the drain with our home-made enzymes again

– blah blah blah blah

Of course I know I should not be thinking too much. But it is just impossible to stop the buzzing inside my head. And when at last I do fall asleep, my mind is yet again filled with dreams….for e.g. buying new flat shoes was the most recent one.Β  And when I wake up in the morning, I am actually fresh and wide awake. Not even a hint of grogginess! What is the matter with me?

Or maybe the lack of activities here do not tire me out as much as how expectant mothers feel like in urban areas. I barely have to drive 5 mins to work. I sit on my bum all day to review documents and stuff. I come back home for lunch and a nap (and yes, I can strangely nap over lunch and never other times) and there isn’t anything else I have to do. Or perhaps I am just so great and fit and healthy (*snigger* yea right!).

Whatever it is, I am just longing for that deep, dreamless, close-eye-open-eye-morning-already sleep.

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The Ultimate Healthy Life

I must be leading that now.

As I was sitting at the kitchen table, scooping my bland salt, oil and sugar free dinner into me, I could not help but think “Geez… this must be the time when I am eating most healthy – ever!’

Dinner tonight consisted yet again of plain porridge, cooked with unpolished rice, of course. Then, a protein dish of steamed chicken meat with barely any seasoning and chinese cabbage lightly stir-fried with garlic. In between meals, I am snacking on prunes or plain whole-grain bread. I don’t even use any spread on the bread as the taste of any sweetened processed food will send me straight to the sink, packaged fruit juice included. So I prefer to take fruits in their fresh form instead… somehow that kind of sweetness is fine. Hubby is all too baffled with this – he really cannot see the difference. But hey, I am the one who is battling with the nausea. I tell him straight in the face, don’t mess around with me for now. I am taking no sh*t from anyone right now. Just listen and obey. πŸ˜›

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Hooray! and Pray…

14 Aug 2009

I suspected that I conceived again this month 2 weeks before my period was due.Β  By the time it was a week away, my boobies decided to give me a slight hint of soreness and I thought, what the heck…let’s pee and check.

And it was a faint positive line.Β  Strangely, my first reaction was “Darn….about time!”. I was more pleased than excited. Hooray! I though…I am at least not infertile. Hubby and I planned to pop in to see the doc the next day to get my meds.Β  I went to bed that night feeling…..well, pleased.

15 Aug 2009

For all our efforts and plans to keep this quiet for now (since well, things never progressed very far), we bumped into various people from the office at the medical centre. We merely smiled and pretended nothing was amiss. I bumped into my manager there too, and he was probably dying to ask me. But I just said HI and smiled. This wasn’t a celebration…YET. We still have a long, long way to go.

Dr Aida was pretty cheerful about the news and prescribed me with Duphaston to help increase my chances of a successful pregnancy this time. I am crossing my fingers the white pills will work their magic for me. The ultrasound scan didn’t show much and I am scheduled to be back again in 10 days. After all, technically I was barely 3 weeks pregnant.

I am praying so hard. God, please help me this time. I am due back at Dr Aida’s on the 24th.

16 August 2009

I peed on a stick again today just to be sure. It’s still there.

17 Aug 2009

I peed on a stick YET again. It is still there, the line clear and straight. Thank you God. I ran out of sticks. Must get some more. I am telling myself, if RM5 clinic strips show me I am pregnant, that is as good as a RM24.90 Clearblue ones. Besides, I tried 3 different brands from 3 countries – UK, US and well, Russia. Yes … what the heck…. Russian women must have some fairly accurate way of testing pregnancies right?

18 Aug 2009

It is my mother’s birthday today. I could not tell family yet. Things are just too fragile. I will wait. Maybe till 6 weels or so. If I can get to 6 weeks. To be honest, I am prepared for anything this time. While I hope and pray and pray so hard, I am going to take each day as it comes. We will see what happens.

Happy Birthday Mommy.

19 August 2009

6.30pm – I think my boobs are less sore. Crap. I still have not replenished my supply of test strips. I need some reassurance.

7.30pm – I tested yet again. It’s still there. *thanks God*

21 August 2009

I am in need of so much reassurance. Hence I am contributing to the ‘Buy-Cheap-Test-Strips-In-Bulk’ campaign.Β  My on-and-off sore boobs are causing me much anxiety and an anxious mind needs A LOT of reassurance.

A quick test this morning showed that my hCG is good and strong. I am thankful and hope that things will continue to be okay.

Meanwhile, hubby has been very kind and lets me put my feet up most of the time at home. I am beginning to feel slightly tired after work in the early evening and upon reaching home, and after a shower, I would be napping on the couch. I am feeling rather guilty that I have not been spending a lot of time with the 2 furries….but I do still give each of them a pat every day. :). The growing weeds in the garden is driving me nuts, but I will perservere and stop all physically taxing chores for now. My newly developing life form needs me more now.

22 August 2009

It is a Saturday today, the morning bright and breezy. Woke up early to do the laundry, water the plants and could not help pulling out some baby weeds from a pot or two. I know… I know… but I would hardly call that ‘labour intensive’.

It is exactly a week since we found out about the pregnancy and hopefully I will be writing about developments for many more weeks to comeΒ  – about 40 to be exact! For today, I am thankful for things so far and am going to put my feet up for the rest of the day… catching up on TV series….

P/S. My sore boobs are back!

23 August 2009

I am about 4 weeks pregnant today. And my boobs are lop-sided. They are not growing at the same rate. Hubby is finding that fact extremely funny.

And at 4 weeks, this is what I see… πŸ™‚

Clearly positive @ 4 weeks!

Clearly positive @ 4 weeks!

24 August 2009

Today was our second appointment with Dr Aida. I was both excited and nervous… Excited because my pregnancy tests have so far been strongly positive and nervous because I was not sure what would pop up on the screen when the time comes.

When Dr Aida ran the scanner over my abdomen, she exclaimed “Oh there it is! Congratulations!”

I barely had time to react, before I realized it she had placed the pointer on the screen next to a bean-like shape. There it is…our baby. And all I could do then was giggle and say a silent prayer to thank God for what we have today.

28 August 2009

I am at 5 weeks. So far the week has been uneventful, and I am very much relieved. I am starting to feel somewhat barfy in the early mornings when my stomach is empty and sometime in the late afternoon. I have not emptied the contents of my stomach so far, but I have lost all interest in eating actually. I find it all quite strange…and calmly reassuring.

30 August 2009

It is the long weekend and I have not been doing much but try to get some sleep. My sleepless nights are back, and I am oh-s0 tired! I cannot imagine how I am going to get through the workdays next. Thank goodness it is the National Day long weekend, so I can basically spend most of the time with my feet up and try to have short naps whenever I can. Even when I stay awake all day, I cannot seem to fall into a deep sleep at night. I am so exhausted but my mind just does not want to shut off!

The nausea is not getting better, or much worse. But I have that constant I-want-to-puke feeling in between my main meals. Even with snacks in between (which I am not interested in), it does not help. All that helps is to lie down and be still.

Perhaps this evening I might go for a stroll by the beach, wet my toes and feel the salty breeze on my face. Maybe that will make me feel better… all this lying down is not very exciting at all.

31 August 2009

My symptoms have sort of slowed down…or rather the better word would be ‘halted’. The boobs are no longer sore, but still feel full and heavy. And I am not as sick today as I was a couple of days before. I am trying to be calm about it but there is that feeling of nervousness inside yet again. I am into the 6th week now… which is I guess good. But I am still feeling so scared… so very very scared. I think the only thing that is stopping me from going berserk is the fact that I checked with the urine test yesterday and it was very much clearly positive… so that at least puts me to ease a little.

2 Sept 2009

I am a zoo monkey. My diet now mainly consists of steamed corn on the cob, apples, potatoes, bananas, carrots and any fruits and vegetables that do not have a strong taste. I try to supplement protein and calcium with eggs, milk and yogurt and eventually make up the rest by downing milk for pregnant moms. I am totally not interested in any other food and have tried forcing myself to eat, but felt horrible afterwards. So I will humor my nutsy hormones for now and eat whatever it is that can go in and stay in.

But strangely enough I wolfed down a bowl of Indomie Mee Goreng instant noodles yesterday. Not exactly your no.1 healthy food for pregnant mothers, but hey, as my buddy said….better a pinch of MSG than starve. And not like I eat endless packets of it anyway…

5 Sept 2009

Today was our 3rd appointment with Dr Aida. And voila! We saw a little bean and a heartbeat! Well, actually hubby saw…I couldn’t see much from my position on the bed….

But my silent prayers are answered so far, thank you God for what we have so far. Thank you! πŸ™‚

10 Sept 2009

Little bean is now about 7 weeks old. And making me sick all over the place. I have not only lost my appetite, but am throwing up all over the place. Which my friends tell me, I must be thankful for because it shows that my hormones are peaking. Great. Ok… I am over-joyed that I am puking a lot. Yay…

All I do everyday is lie on my back every chance I get, that way the nausea isn’t too bad. I am dreading the next few weeks to come when my project work picks up and I need to be a super monster lady engineer breathing down the consultants’ neck. Sheesh…. all I can hope for is that I don’t start to throw up on them…. Gosh… how does one build a gas platform with nausea, lack of sleep, appetite and a whole lot of other *censored* problems…..

25 September 2009

I haven’t been writing much for various reasons. One, I was not inspired to do anything at all due to the nausea. Two, internet was screwed for a few days. And three, I was having some emotional ups and downs – closely tagged to my appearance and disappearance of my symptoms. I was freaking out for a couple of days when the nausea suddenly went away. And then it came back. So I suppose we’re good.

The fatigue part has set in, I think. But restful sleep is still not a routine. I still pray each and every day for this to work out ok. Thankfully, all is fine….

26 September 2009

I have been having a little too much of self quiet time lately that it is almost unbearable. Most of the time, if not at work, I am at home – resting. But the thing is, most of the time I am restless. Hubby and I decided to go for an easy stroll last weekend along a gentle hill slope but I ran out of breath sooner than I thought I would. Gee… I am not what I used to be eh. Well, it could also be the lack of exercise. But rest assured, I was not pushing myself in any way. The ants were probably crawling along faster than I was strolling. But the fresh air did me good, and I would very much like to go for another beach stroll this evening. I am just too sick of being at home near to a sink. Heck, if indeed required, I can throw up in a bush by the sea lah!

We are 9 weeks this week. And in another 4 weeks I am supposed to be in Sydney for cousin May’s wedding. I do hope the nausea will ease off slightly. I cannot imagine having to deal with it on the plane!

27 September 2009

Urrrgghhhhhh……! Nausea!

29 September 2009

I am feeling utterly ill and miserable – both physically and emotionally. It does not help that hubby cannot seem to understand what I am going through. Fine, so he is new at this, but how I wish he could try to know why I am feeling this way. He is being sweet, yes, for doing things I tell him to. But sometimes I wish he would understand a little more. Try to get into this pregnancy thing…. understand what I am going through and not just come home everyday and feed me.

Am I asking for too much? Maybe. But in between nausea, the sink, lack of sleep, bloatedness and fatigue… I really have very little of my patience and understanding left.

30 September 2009

Alright. I went berserk yesterday. My bad. I should not have said those nasty things about hubby. And sweet as he is, he told me it was all okay.

I think I might have found a temporary solution to my evening bloatedness. I decided to have just plain white porridge with plain condiments… hardly a speck of oil or grease. I recalled some years ago when I was suffering from food poisoining and could not keep anything down, my comfort food was plain white porridge. And sure enough, as I am sitting here, right after dinner, I am much less bloated and not as uncomfortable as all the previous nights. I think as long as I supplement the meal with vege and enough protein – steamed or cooked simply – I might survive this. In addition, I will get extra liquids as well. Great!

Well, only drawback is, I will probably wake up like at 2am starving. That’s okay. I will make myself a wholemeal sandwich with a dash of jam and place it by the bed. Problem solved, I think.

2 October 2009

Firstly, a very Happy Birthday to my dearest friend of many, many, many, many… years – Angelica. If you are reading this, I hope you have the best days ahead.

We are at 10 weeks today and although I have not chucked anything into the sink for the past 2 days, it is just a matter of time. I am probably managing the nausea by eating small boring meals regularly and staying away from oil/grease. And when I say stay away, I mean totally. I stuck to my plain porridge meals for yet another day and sure enough, manage to keep the puking under control. But it did not stop the nausea from creeping in occasionally, specially in the evenings. I gave in to temptation this morning and had a bowl of mee rebus for brunch and almost suffered from it afterwards. But a had some wholemeal bread for lunch, stayed away from any ‘sinful’ greasy crackers and I managed to get it under control.

But then, I cannot possibly maintain this diet for too long. I will probably start running out of oil-free condiments to eat with the porridge meals. Needless to say, if I keep eating the same type of food, I will tend to start having a aversion to it soon. But perhaps in the next 2-3 weeks, the nausea might ease off and I may return to normality. Hmmph… probably not.

But oh well, at least fruits and vege are still ok, provided the veg is cooked in a simple manner. No fancy stir fry with rich sauce or anything. Only plain with garlic and pepper. And no restaurant-style food for me, please. For some odd reason, I cannot stand fancy food for now. All I want is simple plain almost tasteless stuff. Anything with more than a few ingredients, or anything with sauce will immediately put me off. Hubby says, baby is so low maintenance. He likey… πŸ˜›

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