LIVE . LOVE . HURT . HOPE

Breezing through life and loving every moment…

14.3.2012

I am slowly counting down the days till hubby returns from his business trip. Here I am again sitting in the dark typing and hoping that the little one will be okay throughout the night.
She woke up slightly warm again and a little cranky, whining as she followed me around the house while I frantically got things ready for work and filled her daycare bag with the usual daily essentials. By the time I managed to pick her up, she was obviously upset and not the happy smiley little girl she usually is in the mornings. She almost wailed all the way to daycare except halfway through she just stared blankly out of the window quietly. The poor girl must be miserable to the max.

Thankfully no calls from daycare throughout the day, which meant that she was almost her usual self with no obvious illness, except that she was just a little warmer than usual. The teachers said that she ate well and drank plenty of water, which was a good thing. She is not drinking her milk as much there, but I suppose I can accept that as long as she eats her other meals well.

Back home, was when the craziness started. Maddy refused to be left alone even for a few minutes and I nursed her for a while right after I dump my bags onto the floor. She fell asleep and I let her take a shuteye for perhaps half an hour before I had to gently wake her up to prepare her dinner. Needless to say, she started whining again and I had to carry her around the house. The slight fever was making her cranky, but at the same time being the only adult at home, there were things that I just HAD to do. So, with one arm cradling Maddy, I prepared her dinner and other stuff around the kitchen. By the end of it all, my arm was killing me. I managed to distract her a little by letting her ‘help’ me with the laundry, after which she demanded to be carried again.

Dinner was less of a fight compared to yesterday, but only slightly. I managed to coax her into finishing some porridge with pumpkin and fish, halfway through which she demanded to be held and I fed her while sitting on my lap. Oh well….whatever works…..I was exhausted by then. She had to eat something. I had cereal for dinner. Whatever works….

Dishes are still in the sink, she would not let me turn my back on her…I tried putting her in the baby chair next to the sink, but within minutes she started wailing. I did not want to aggravate her further considering she was still slightly feverish…so the dishes would have to wait till tomorrow as usual, I will be back over lunch to clean up.

Maddy is also having a slight diaper rash, which is now an additional item on my list of concerns. She never had it as an infant, so why now? Nothing is helping. Oh gosh…

Such is the life of a ‘single’ parent for the week. Please come home soon, daddy of my child.

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Today

Today started out pretty well and almost ended okay too, until halfway through dinner Maddy got fussy and refused to eat much more than a few spoonfuls again. I put on a stern face and did not want to give in, which of course resulted in her crying and not finishing her dinner anyway. I painstakingly prepared grilled fish served with a side of mashed potatoes, still she barely touched the fish and took only a few spoonfuls of the mash. I was undoubtedly disappointed and frustrated. I gave her a small portion of yogurt which thankfully she finished without much fuss and plenty of water as I thought her head felt a little warmer than usual – not fever hot but just warm.

After her evening bath, I managed to coax her into taking her usual bottle of milk and then right after lights out and barely a minute of nursing, she was out. I put my palm on her forehead and she felt rather warm again, took her temperature and oh goodness me it was 38.6 degrees C! She was having a slight fever. I woke her up, which of course made her a little cranky, fed her her meds and she is now asleep again. Now that I think about it, perhaps she is teething and hence the reduced appetite and fever? I am feeling like a horrible mom now to have been so nasty to her earlier.

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Oh What A Day!

Finally, I can put my feet up tonight and rest against a soft pillow in almost total silence, except for the faint but calming humming of the air conditioner. Madelyn’s rythmic breathing accompanying my tap tapping on the keyboard. It has been a long and tiring day today and I just need to rant for a little bit.

To begin with, I had a busy day at work, running all over for meetings and discussions, and frantically trying to find time to squeeze in two sessions of pumping at the mother’s room. Oh, and did I mention that I woke up with a cracked nipple out of no where this morning so I had to hand expressed one side in an attempt not to aggravate it more so that it will heal fast enough for Maddy to nurse tonight? And in between work over lunchtime, I rushed back home to sort out last night’s dishes (because with hubby being away, I try not to spend too much in the evenings fiddling around the kitchen – I would just do the bare minimum of cooking and cleaning up and leave the sorting out for the next day lunchtime when I am alone without Maddy so that I can spend more time
managing her in the evenings), then prepare Maddy’s dinner for tonight and gobbled up my lunch. Oh and did I forget to meantion now that we do not have our weekly cleaner, I come home over lunch to vacuum/mop/tidy the house?

The hubby is away for the whole week in another continent so I am on duty to drop and pick up Maddy from daycare/playschool (yes, she has been there since the nanny was unable to work due to a health problem). Maddy decided to sob all the way home from daycare because she wanted to jump on the slides or something like that, but I would not let her because we had to leave before traffic got bad during after office rush hour. Then when we got home, she was o-kay for a few minutes then started to be cranky again and stuck to me like velcro, making it rather difficult to dish out her dinner or clean up whatever it was that I had to clean up.

So after having to spend my lunchtime cooking her dinner, she refused to eat it tonight. Being considerate and remembering some wise parenting article which said I should not force her and respect her ‘No’s, her dinner finally went to two happy dogs instead. I gave her some fruits, which she actually ate an almost full portion of it so that was fine. After which, she started to cry out of no where and I had to drop everything and hold her. I managed to give her a bath, which she rather enjoyed then while her mood was still okay, I cleaned up and had cereal and milk, some two-day old potato and egg salad and cut papayas for dinner. I found those in the fridge and reckoned all together they made up most of the recommended dietary requirements for my day.

It was almost 8.30pm by then which was almost bedtime (yippeeeeee!!!) when little miss I-am-not-done-making-your-day-miserable decided to throw up part of her dinner all over her face and hair while I was changing her diaper lying down. Soooooo….alright……off we went again into the cleaning routine except this time there a soiled towel to wash. I should look at the bright side that it actually happened on the changing table so the impact was localized. Sighhhhh….

After all thaaaaaaaattttt………she finally calmed down, nursed and fell asleep almost immediately. Cracked nipple felt o-kay (please let it heal overnight!) and Maddy is asleep now….perhaps she was not hungry or having slight tummy upset or I don’t know. It is always a challenge to try to figure out the things that actually bother her for she is still unable to tell me every single thing she feels/needs. For that, I try not to judge her or get too upset. I am sure sometimes the whines or sobs or tantrums mean something.

But at the same time….I am oh so glad the day is finally over! Good night !

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