LIVE . LOVE . HURT . HOPE

Breezing through life and loving every moment…

Oh What A Day!

Finally, I can put my feet up tonight and rest against a soft pillow in almost total silence, except for the faint but calming humming of the air conditioner. Madelyn’s rythmic breathing accompanying my tap tapping on the keyboard. It has been a long and tiring day today and I just need to rant for a little bit.

To begin with, I had a busy day at work, running all over for meetings and discussions, and frantically trying to find time to squeeze in two sessions of pumping at the mother’s room. Oh, and did I mention that I woke up with a cracked nipple out of no where this morning so I had to hand expressed one side in an attempt not to aggravate it more so that it will heal fast enough for Maddy to nurse tonight? And in between work over lunchtime, I rushed back home to sort out last night’s dishes (because with hubby being away, I try not to spend too much in the evenings fiddling around the kitchen – I would just do the bare minimum of cooking and cleaning up and leave the sorting out for the next day lunchtime when I am alone without Maddy so that I can spend more time
managing her in the evenings), then prepare Maddy’s dinner for tonight and gobbled up my lunch. Oh and did I forget to meantion now that we do not have our weekly cleaner, I come home over lunch to vacuum/mop/tidy the house?

The hubby is away for the whole week in another continent so I am on duty to drop and pick up Maddy from daycare/playschool (yes, she has been there since the nanny was unable to work due to a health problem). Maddy decided to sob all the way home from daycare because she wanted to jump on the slides or something like that, but I would not let her because we had to leave before traffic got bad during after office rush hour. Then when we got home, she was o-kay for a few minutes then started to be cranky again and stuck to me like velcro, making it rather difficult to dish out her dinner or clean up whatever it was that I had to clean up.

So after having to spend my lunchtime cooking her dinner, she refused to eat it tonight. Being considerate and remembering some wise parenting article which said I should not force her and respect her ‘No’s, her dinner finally went to two happy dogs instead. I gave her some fruits, which she actually ate an almost full portion of it so that was fine. After which, she started to cry out of no where and I had to drop everything and hold her. I managed to give her a bath, which she rather enjoyed then while her mood was still okay, I cleaned up and had cereal and milk, some two-day old potato and egg salad and cut papayas for dinner. I found those in the fridge and reckoned all together they made up most of the recommended dietary requirements for my day.

It was almost 8.30pm by then which was almost bedtime (yippeeeeee!!!) when little miss I-am-not-done-making-your-day-miserable decided to throw up part of her dinner all over her face and hair while I was changing her diaper lying down. Soooooo….alright……off we went again into the cleaning routine except this time there a soiled towel to wash. I should look at the bright side that it actually happened on the changing table so the impact was localized. Sighhhhh….

After all thaaaaaaaattttt………she finally calmed down, nursed and fell asleep almost immediately. Cracked nipple felt o-kay (please let it heal overnight!) and Maddy is asleep now….perhaps she was not hungry or having slight tummy upset or I don’t know. It is always a challenge to try to figure out the things that actually bother her for she is still unable to tell me every single thing she feels/needs. For that, I try not to judge her or get too upset. I am sure sometimes the whines or sobs or tantrums mean something.

But at the same time….I am oh so glad the day is finally over! Good night !

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Checking In

I should write more, but alas the demands of work and motherhood leave me with very little time to actually sit down and be given some quiet time to do so. I am either usually welded to the sink washing up, washing Maddy or picking up toys. Actually, since I taught Maddy how to pick up her toys and keep them into their boxes each night, things have gotten a little better. But still, there will always be a ball I have to look for from underneath the couch or that one elusive part of a puzzle toy that goes missing (it still is, actually).

Madelyn is now fast approaching her second birthday…two months short. An almost-young lady but not quite. She speaks so much more now and role plays with her toys…pretty soon she will be asking questions and telling us stories of imaginary friends. She has her little meltdowns but thankfully nothing unmanageable. It would be a little shriek here and there but always at home. Never in public, yet! But she is still generally well-behaved, lovable and cute as a button! She seems to have a soft spot for animals….she learns the names of any animal almost immediately and shows interest in pictures of animals more so compared to other things. Our future vet or zoologist perhaps? Hmmm…

Changes are coming soon….we will probably be moving out of our current location in a couple of months’ time. But nothing firm yet. I am looking forward to it, as when the change happens, my new career takes flight – to be a fulltime mommy!

Stay tuned!

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I Am Sorry, Mommy

Tonight, Madelyn was playing around with my bottle of hand lotion when she playfully threw it onto her daddy’s head and struck him on the side of his face. He was lying down on the floor.

The both of us then told her in a firm and stern voice, that she was not to throw things onto other people and that she should apologize to her daddy. She kneeled next to him and looked down, her expression very solemn indeed. She did not say a single word but her expression said it all – full of regret and guilt. We continued to look at her, waiting for her apology when suddenly I realized her eyes were a little watery. She had tears in her eyes but trying not to cry! And she didn’t utter a sound.

I felt so sorry for her that I pulled her into my arms and told her softly that it was okay but she is not to throw things at people in the future.

It struck me that my little girl, at 20 months old, is now able to control her emotions. She was feeling sad being reprimanded but trying not to cry. Oh when did my baby suddenly grow up overnight?

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Restore ME! Weekend

I think it is time that I start thinking about myself. Or to be more precise, to start to do the things that I used to do before Maddy arrived. Having to raise Maddy almost single-handedly most of time has left me very little time to squeeze in any self-indulgences at all. But things are getting better now that Maddy is a little older and more independent. The fact that she is now walking on her own means that I have my two hands free to do things that I need to do, and things that I WANT to do! Yay!

So this weekend, I booked myself a session at the hairdresser’s to give my hair the trim that I had so needed (like 3 months ago) while the grandparents watch the little squiggly one (parents are visiting). After the trim, I came home to shower and feed Maddy and while she played by herself in her cot (isn’t she wonderful?), I washed my hair, and home-spa-ed it with my mommy’s home-made coconut oil (I want the shine back on my hair). While waiting for the hair to be done, I did more mommy things like fed Maddy her yogurt, read some books with her and chased her around the house. After which, Maddy went back into her cot for some more individual playtime while I washed the oil out of my hair. Felt lovely to have that moisture soaking into my not-so-long locks…my poor hair had not come even close to any treatment since Maddy came along…I think it is now time to be back to my weekly coconut oil session. Yes, I want to be the mom with great hair!

And that was not all I did. I have to reluctantly accept that I am moving closer and closer to the age group that starts with the number ‘4’ (oh my frikkin gawwwwdddddd!!!) and this is when the words ‘skincare’ and ‘anti-aging’ can be found on the same bottles of stuff in my basket of potions. Although yours truly is slightly more (just slightly…..) than half a decade away, but I am already in the same decade! I am thankful for all these magic nursing and post natal hormones that had been coursing through me to help keep my skin looking decent but little vain me is missing the glow!

Hence armed with a new set of potions, I managed to spend the early evening pampering myself (after feeding, cleaning and putting Maddy into her PJs, of course) and went to bed feeling goooooodddd about everything that I had achieved. I aim to do this every weekend, and find more time for those little things to boost those happy hormones!

Being a mom, I suppose sometimes we lose ourselves in trying to do the best that we can, and to be the best that we can. Time is definitely something elusive those first few months, but we eventually find it again…Well, I did, after almost a year. And it is definitely worth the wait.

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I Love It When…

… I saw tears at the corner of my mother’s eyes because she was laughing so hard watching her grand daughter’s cheeky tricks

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The Simple Joys In Life

I been making a lot of lists lately..so while we’re at it, here’s looking at the little things that are so simple and insignificant, yet will always put a smile to my face or give me that warm fuzzy wuzzy feeling inside…

Going to sleep with rain pouring outside, and knowing I am warm and dry in bed

Waking up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm after a long dry spell

A cool breezy weekend morning

Chicken curry with lots of soft potatoes

A meal with a side dish of sweet boiled carrots and plump green peas

A neatly arranged bookshelf-preferably mine!

My daughter’s grin

My husband on the phone telling me that he will be back home earlier than planned

Knowing I have a 20-something year old friendship with my girlfriends

Caramel popcorn

Wet sand under my bare feet and waves between my toes!

A brand new shiny saucepan

A happy dog’s wagging tail

Cold butter on warm toasted bread

My grandma’s patchwork quilt (on a cold rainy night)

Fish and chips

A ladybug on my plant

A clean house

My laundry basket empty and no chores

Marketing with mom

…so, what makes YOU smile?

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Taming Toddler Tantrums

So here they come at last, the sudden outbursts, screams and stubborn streaks. Oh sure we had always known our little missy has a strong personality. Now that she is 16 months old, those stubborn streaks are more and more obvious.

Just hours ago in an attempt to show her displeasure over something, she threw her water bottle on the floor. I calmly told her to please pick it up, after which she kicked it around some more and I smacked her hand. She burst out crying and did not stop for a while until in the end, after being repeatedly told to pick up her bottle, she eventually did and I picked her up. Her nose was red from crying.

As I am sitting here now watching her sleeping form, I wonder if I had been too over-zealous in the disciplining department. I am determined to raise Maddy right, into a polite good natured young lady. I fear if I loosen the reigns, if she might become spoilt and throw tantrums unnecessarily. Maddy is a like a little surprise vault of strong emotions – she can be the happiest little girl one moment, and expressing her strong dislikes the next. But she never holds grudges, which makes it so hard for me when after being reprimanded by me, she would still come to me seeking comfort. Then I would be bursting with guilt for having made her cry or upset.

But how do we draw the line between letting kids be kids, and trying to keep them in line….I hope I am doing the right thing. Admittedly when she does something bad, I tend to forget that she is a good girl 95% of the time. I must remind myself to reward her with as much love as possible for all the wonderful things that she is.

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The Bucket List

I think it is time that I actually put down somewhere the list of things that I would like to achieve before I check out from Earth…been having some floating in mynhead and appearing in my thoughts from time to time. So as a start, here are some, I will update this list when new ones come up hee hee

1. Have curly short Halle Berry hair – almost wanted to do so a million times at the hairdresser’s but darrrnnnnnnn it! No guts!

2. Own a totally new set of kitchen appliances, pots and pans, dishes etc. – just for the heck of it since I have been using hand-me-downs for like….forever! This shall include a set of mugs and glasses and they must all look the same! Yes I am freaky…

3. Spend a few years as a Stay At Home Wife/Mom – time is running out for this…

4. Dine at a celebrity chef restaurant – none of those itsy bitsy arty farty kinda dishes, please.

5. Take a family vacation; mum, dad, brother and our families – easier said than done but MUST do soon!!

6. Visit Scotland again

7. Live in Singapore, again

8. Own a library, at home – this was inspired by a friend who recently invited us to her new home, complete with a roomful of books, floor to ceiling shelves on 3 walls filled with books, books and more books! I would like that some day

More to come…….

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Just Another Friday…

Another end to another week. An almost 16-month old Madelyn is sound asleep, murmuring softly in her slumber and I get some quiet time to myself at the end of a busy day. Hubby’s been offshore for two weeks now and will not be home for another week. But thankfullly my folks are aound to keep me company.

So what have we been up to lately? The usual, I guess.

I have FINALLY returned to my pre-pregnancy weight and size after what seemed like forever. But between work and my very busy schedule at home as a part time single mother, I did not have much time to ponder over my lack of style or how I could not fit into my old clothes. Then suddenly I could once again slip into those pants and zip up the those old skirts! And all without a single hour of exercise. Took me a year, but I got there. It did not matter anyway prior to this whether or not I looked hot…because everyone else was checking out my baby and not my bum.

Maddy is now an almost toddler. She repeats a lot of the words that we say. She can now say very clearly; hello, buh bye, ball, mummy, papa, puppy, dog, mam-mam, duck, turtle and my favoarite of them all – plee (her version of please). My daughter is growing up too fast, she is a little person now, with a fully developed character, needs, preference, opinions and moods. She is eating very well and is a snacker, tasting almost everything we offer her and eats her meals without fuss. I have introduced fresh milk to her on weekdays when I am at work, but will still offer her breastmilk in a bottle before she goes to bed. I am still nursing her at nights, although the frequencies are reducing. She is probably weaning herself soon, which is about time but I will let her take the lead. I want to enjoy that special closeness that we share during nursing for as long as she lets me, as I know once she fully weans I may never get that back again.

You might probably know by now that I do not have time for any other personal activities outside work apart from house chores and spending all my time with Maddy. It is to be expected I suppose, with Hubby being away. The moment I get home, it’s just a few hours of feeding, washing, cleaning and putting wriggly person to bed. And every day it is just the same. But I am not complaining, life is just different now with a different kind of fun. I am just so tired sometimes but that is to be expected.

Time to get some rest now…and snuggle up to my chubby cheeks (yes we co-sleep and enjoying every moment of it!). Good night peeps!

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Weekend Soon!

Wednesday today. Hubs been away for almost three weeks and I am finally bored out of my brains at home. Not that Maddy is not being good company, oh yes she is…but well, the lack of grown up conversation and that extra pair of helping hands is something I would like to do without soon. :-/

So tonight, I decided to snap out of my Maddy and Me nights and invited two close friends over for dinner. We had a good chat and it was good company. Maddy was being such a well behaved girl by playing happily in her high chair or wandering around the house doing her stuff, while the big girls gossiped about things at work.

Tomorrow, I am planning to pile on some grease by treating myself to some KFC takeaway meal and a nice dessert. And on Friday evening I will bring Maddy to the boat club and let her walk around the beach since the low tide now brings up a wonderful stretch of firm clean sand. Can’t wait to snap some pictures of my little cutie on the beach!

And on Saturday *crosses fingers really hard* Hubby will FINALLY be home!! :))

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