LIVE . LOVE . HURT . HOPE

Breezing through life and loving every moment…

The Simple Joys In Life

I been making a lot of lists lately..so while we’re at it, here’s looking at the little things that are so simple and insignificant, yet will always put a smile to my face or give me that warm fuzzy wuzzy feeling inside…

Going to sleep with rain pouring outside, and knowing I am warm and dry in bed

Waking up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm after a long dry spell

A cool breezy weekend morning

Chicken curry with lots of soft potatoes

A meal with a side dish of sweet boiled carrots and plump green peas

A neatly arranged bookshelf-preferably mine!

My daughter’s grin

My husband on the phone telling me that he will be back home earlier than planned

Knowing I have a 20-something year old friendship with my girlfriends

Caramel popcorn

Wet sand under my bare feet and waves between my toes!

A brand new shiny saucepan

A happy dog’s wagging tail

Cold butter on warm toasted bread

My grandma’s patchwork quilt (on a cold rainy night)

Fish and chips

A ladybug on my plant

A clean house

My laundry basket empty and no chores

Marketing with mom

…so, what makes YOU smile?

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Patience

…is when…

There are housechores to be done and nobody else is around to do them but myself

Food needs to be prepared for baby and I am in the middle of chopping / cleaning and

Baby cries her lungs out

I have a deep cut on my finger which is hurting like crazy doing the washing, cleaning blah blah

Dog suddenly has fleas from goodness knows where and I need to find a moment to zip outside and manage that but oh wait … Baby is crying her lungs out whenever I leave her

Mind is worried about the million and one things to be done come next working day

And I realize there isn’t any lunch for me to eat apart from crackers and I am starving..

God, please give me the strength (and patience) to go through just this one more day…

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Blessed

Blessed indeed to be loved by family and friends, to have food and drink served at every request, to have health and strength to face each new day, to wake up and fall asleep with the fresh scent of a sleepy baby and to be given a hug each day.

I am blessed indeed.

Good night…..*sniffffffffffff*

🙂

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Madelyn @ 8 months 3 weeks

I haven’t been updating this blog for a while partly because any time that I had after work when I am cleaning or cooking, I spent it with my family. Maddy has just gone to bed and I think I will do a quick one for tonight, blog that is :p

We are now 8 months and 3 weeks into parenthood. Maddy has grown so much since my last post. Let’s see…she started crawling in early December, standing up with support 3 weeks after and is now speeding around the house in her walker. Her favorite trick is her ET finger thing where she brings up her index finger and we do the same and bring them together and go TING and she would grin so widely. She started clapping her hands a week ago.

Our little girl is such a good eater, in the sense that she loves her vege and is very rarely fussy with food. And she is still nursing well and is a picture of perfect health! At almost 9 months old she is about 9 kilos and making my arms ache 🙂

She is growing too fast! Oh how I wish time will slow down…slow down please!

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A Prayer

Dear God

As I lie awake tonight, I think about all the good things that You have granted me, and I thank You….

For my parents’ good health and well being. May they be blessed with happy days ahead and may my Daddy’s eye cataract be okay soon.

For my beautiful sleeping child next to me. May she grow up happy, healthy and blessed with a good future…may she be respectful, kind and gentle and may her sweet happy smile bring happiness to someone’s gloomy days

For my loving husband, who has been totally wonderful and bring me so much laughter in our lives together

For my good friends, who have been with me for years and years through playschool, exams, teen crushes, first heartbreak, weddings, loss and birth..may we also brave through middle age and wrinkles and weak knees together

Thank you for a good life, then and now and hopefully tomorrow.

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Back @ Work

In the office, yes. I have had countless people ask me before, when I was going to get back to work. The fact is, I had been working, from home…the fact that I was home did not mean that I was slacking off in my pajamas. I was promptly responding to emails, reading and reviewing reports, returning queries from the fabrication yard…all these while taking care of an infant as well. I had to admit, even though I was at home, I could barely spend time interacting with Maddy…I just spent enough time each day feeding, bathing, changing and putting her down for naps, and then I would be back hunching over my laptop. It did make me feel bad that I used her obsession with certain toys to my benefit, she would play on her own without needing me to be there with her. But during those months, I suppose that was the best I could do…strike an arrangement with the boss to allow me to remain home caring for child. In return for that, I had to honour my arrangement, I would act upon work requirements…as if I was there sitting in my office cubicle. It was TIRING, having to juggle both baby and work…and there were days when I guiltily wished I was back in the office.

So, that worked out fine for about three months…and finally Maddy’s babysitter could start with us and I got back to the usual routine. I am back at work AT THE OFFICE…been two weeks now, and things are going well. Maddy is adjusting well to the babysitter, apart from the occasional fussiness when she sees me come home…it is as if everything is fine while I am away, then when I walk through the door she realizes I have been away and starts missing me! But my worries of her not being able to adjust or not being to nap with the babysitter are unfounded. Things are great! The babysitter is great!

I am still adjusting to my new role as a working parent. It throws at me various questions and decisions that I never had to consider before. I used to and will soon again have, a highly mobile job that involves a lot of traveling. It was fun then, jetting off weekly for work and shopping and meeting up with friends. But things are different now…I now have to consider work and Maddy…she needs me for food and comfort. As much as she is comfortable with her daddy, and will drink formula milk, I still want her to be fully breastfed and she still wants me to put her to sleep at nights. I expressed my wish to hold back on traveling to the boss, and thankfully he was understanding enough to place subordinates with me who might be able to assist me later. I am blessed to be working with such kind people. But you know, even if it does affect my appraisals later on, deep inside I know that doesn’t really bother me. My family is my priority for now.

So, this is still new to me, this fulltime working mom thingy. Gone are the days of sleeping in or taking naps whenever I want to. I wake up at about 6.30am every day to pump milk, then get ready for work. At the office I take 10 minutes out once in the morning and once in the afternoon to pump milk. After a whole day of work, I get home, babysitter leaves and I wash, cook and manage baby…thankfully with some help from hubby. By 9pm when Maddy knocks off for the day…I am ready to sleep myself. Hubby and I try to watch some movies from time to time and talk too. I suppose we don’t spend as much time alone nowdays, but we just adapt to a different life. We sit and quietly watch our sleeping daughter, holding hands. Some things are just better unspoken. And one of them is…”That’s our beautiful baby girl, dear. This is a good life…and I love you very much”.

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Nursing Strike?

I have come to notice that for the past week and a half or so, Maddy seems to be kind of uninterested in nursing..which means that her daily intake of milk probably is less. That is getting me quite worried but she seems happy and contented so will just monitor her. Perhaps she is going through a phase of nursing strike..she IS extremely more interested in her surroundings now and extra alert.

Remember those early days when it drove me nuts that she nursed ALL DAY LONG? Now I am missing those days…I am missing my needy little girl 😦

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I Feel Like a Bad Mom!!

I made Maddy cry so much this afternoon, her whole body went red and her voice went husky. I was trying to get her to bottle-feed and she was hating it so much she scream and scream her lungs out!

What made it worse was after I took the bottle away and held her close, she stopped crying and in between sobs she broke into a smile just like that. OMG…. Her love is so unconditional it broke my heart to think of what I put her through…

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Me Me Me!

Our daughter is 8 weeks old now. I have been a mommy for almost two months. Some days are good, while some can get stressful at times. Motherhood somehow wipes away all personal desires temporarily as everything tends to be about baby. Oh how I want to take some time to daydream about some ME things …

• I think I need a haircut. Also perhaps get a hair treatment, some color perhaps? But all I can manage is perhaps a quick trim before Maddy starts to look for my boob (hence need to intro bottle!!)

• I so so so want four or five hours of uninterrupted sleep.

• A facial perhaps?

• To be able to watch TV or a movie at home with hubby without having to hold baby, worry about waking her or trying to soothe her

• To look and feel good about myself again. I have not been making any effort in that department since the last trimester of pregnancy

Ah….my wishlist for now.

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Mommy Meltdown

Yesterday afternoon was particularly difficult. Maddy kept on crying as soon as I put her down on the cot to nap, even though seconds before she seemed to be in such deep sleep on my arms. I was desperate to put her down as my arms were aching and carrying her increasing weight around was making my abs slightly sore-something which worried me due to my csect wound.

She wouldn’t let me put her down too over lunchtime so I could not eat until hubby was done with his lunch. I tried eating while holding her in one arm but that was messy-and it frustrated me even more.

By late afternoon I was exhausted and cranky from the repeated tries of putting her down and picking her up again due to her crying. My wrist hurt badly. My abs sore.

Then suddenly she fell asleep on the sofa and I managed to get some rest for my wrist. But moments later hubby returned home, and the car rolled over our defective drainage cover and made a loud clanking noise. As a result, Maddy woke up startled and cried fitfully.

I subsequently burst into tears.

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